The problem within

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.


Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a response."


That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response so he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

*

*

*

"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"



Moral of the story:

The problem may not be with the other one as we always think, could be very much within us..!

Top 50 Funny One Liners Jokes

1. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
2. Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!
3. Why’d they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!
4. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
5. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
6. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
7. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
8. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
9. Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.
10. Do I look like a people person?
11. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
12. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
13. Therapy is expensive, poppin’ bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
14. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
15. I like cats, too. Let’s exchange recipes.
16. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet,
17. I’ll put shoes on my cat.
18. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
19. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
20. And just how may I screw you over today?
21. I’m not crazy, I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
22. If only you’d use your powers for good instead of evil…
23. Allow me to introduce my selves.
24. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
25. Whisper my favorite words: “I’ll buy it for you.”
26. Better living through denial.
27. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
28. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees
29. & then name streets after them.
30. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
31. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
32. I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
33. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
34. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
35. I can’t remember if I’m the good twin or the evil one.
36. Don’t worry. I forgot your name, too!
37. Adults are just kids who owe money.
38. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
39. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
40. You say I’m a “b—-” like it’s a bad thing.
41. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #2?
42. Macho Law forbids me from admitting I’m wrong.
43. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
44. You look like crap. Is that the style now?
45. Everyone thinks I’m psychotic, except for the friends in my head.
46. Always remember you’re unique – just like everyone else.
47. I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative.
48. How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it goes away!
49. Jesus loves you…everyone else thinks you’re an asshole!
50. Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and lets play that game!

Top 25 Things To Do In Elevator

1) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
wrong ones.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.

3) When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
know what floor you’re on.

5) Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for a friend. After
a while, let the doors close, and say, &quote, Hi Greg. How’s your day
been?”

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then
scream, &quote, that’s mine!”

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to
play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask
them if they can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, &quote, Did you feel that?”

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, &quote, It’s okay,
don’t panic, they open again!”

15) Swat at flies that don’t exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, &quote, Group Hug! & quote and then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering, &quote, Shut up, all of you, just shut up!”

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, &quote, Got enough air in there?”

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the
wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
horror, &quote, your one of THEM!” and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other
passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then
announce, &quote, I have new socks on & quote.

Things that I have learned

I've learned -
that you cannot make someone love you.
All you can do is
be someone who can be loved.
The rest is up to them.

I've learned -
that no matter how much I care,
some people just don't care back.

I've learned -
that it takes years to build up trust,
and only seconds to destroy it.

I've learned -
that it's not what you have in your life
but who you have in your life that counts.

I've learned -
that you can get by on charm
for about fifteen minutes.
After that, you'd better know something.

I've learned -
that you shouldn't compare
yourself to the best others can do
but to the best you can do.

I've learned -
that it's not what happens to people
that's important. It's what they do about it.

I've learned -
that you can do something in an instant
that will give you heartache for life.

I've learned -
that no matter how thin you slice it,
there are always two sides.

I've learned -
that it's taking me a long time
to become the person I want to be.

I've learned -
that it's a lot easier
to react than it is to think.

I've learned -
that you should always leave
loved ones with loving words.
It may be the last time you see them.

I've learned -
that you can keep going
long after you think you can't.

I've learned -
that we are responsible for what we do,
no matter how we feel.

I've learned -
that either you control your attitude
or it controls you.

I've learned -
that regardless of how hot and steamy
a relationship is at first,
the passion fades and there had better be
something else to take its place.

I've learned -
that heroes are the people
who do what has to be done
when it needs to be done,
regardless of the consequences.

I've learned -
that learning to forgive takes practice.

I've learned -
that there are people who love you dearly,
but just don't know how to show it.

I've learned -
that money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I've learned -
that my best friend and I can do anything
or nothing and have the best time.

I've learned -
that sometimes the people you expect
to kick you when you're down
will be the ones to help you get back up.

I've learned -
that sometimes when I'm angry
I have the right to be angry,
but that doesn't give me
the right to be cruel.

I've learned -
that true friendship continues to grow,
even over the longest distance.
Same goes for true love.

I've learned -
that just because someone doesn't love you
the way you want them to doesn't mean
they don't love you with all they have.

I've learned -
that maturity has more to do with
what types of experiences you've had
and what you've learned from them
and less to do with how many
birthdays you've celebrated.

I've learned _
that you should never tell a child
their dreams are unlikely or outlandish.
Few things are more humiliating, and
what a tragedy it would be
if they believed it.

I've learned -
that your family won't always
be there for you. It may seem funny,
but people you aren't related to
can take care of you and love you
and teach you to trust people again.
Families aren't biological.

I've learned -
that no matter how good a friend is,
they're going to hurt you
every once in a while
and you must forgive them for that.

I've learned -
that it isn't always enough
to be forgiven by others.
Sometimes you have to learn
to forgive yourself.

I've learned -
that no matter how bad
your heart is broken
the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I've learned -
that our background and circumstances
may have influenced who we are,
but we are responsible for who we become.

I've learned -
that sometimes when my friends fight,
I'm forced to choose sides
even when I don't want to.

I've learned -
that just because two people argue,
it doesn't mean they don't love each other
And just because they don't argue,
it doesn't mean they do.

I've learned -
that sometimes you have to put
the individual ahead of their actions.

I've learned -
that we don't have to change friends
if we understand that friends change.

I've learned -
that you shouldn't be so
eager to find out a secret.
It could change your life forever.

I've learned -
that two people can look
at the exact same thing
and see something totally different.

I've learned -
that no matter how you try to protect
your children, they will eventually get hurt
and you will hurt in the process.

I've learned -
that there are many ways of falling
and staying in love.

I've learned -
that no matter the consequences,
those who are honest with themselves
get farther in life.

I've learned -
that no matter how many friends you have,
if you are their pillar you will feel lonely
and lost at the times you need them most.

I've learned -
that your life can be changed
in a matter of hours
by people who don't even know you.

I've learned -
that even when you think
you have no more to give,
when a friend cries out to you,
you will find the strength to help.

I've learned -
that writing, as well as talking,
can ease emotional pains.

I've learned -
that the paradigm we live in
is not all that is offered to us.

I've learned -
that credentials on the wall
do not make you a decent human being.

I've learned -
that the people you care most about in life
are taken from you too soon.

I've learned -
that although the word "love"
can have many different meanings,
it loses value when overly used.

I've learned -
that it's hard to determine
where to draw the line
between being nice and
not hurting people's feelings
and standing up for what you believe.

© Kathy Kane Hansen

Promise yourself....

• To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind.
• To talk health, happiness, and prosperity to everyone you meet.
• To make everyone you know feel that there is something good in them.
• To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true.
• To think only of the best, to work only for the best, and expect only the best.
• To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own.
• To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to greater achievements of the future.
• To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile.
• To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others.
• To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble in your mind.

What Ratan Tata did for the Mumbai victims.... what every Indian should know!

Ratan Tata is the chairman of Indian Hotels who own the Taj Mahal Hotel Mumbai, which was the target of the terrorists on 26/11/08.

Hotel President a 5 star property also belongs to Indian Hotels.

The following is really touching.

What Ratan Tata did for the Mumbai victims.... Don't miss!!!!!!

SALUTE TO MR. RATAN TATA

A. The Tata Gesture

1. All category of employees including those who had completed even 1 day as casuals were treated on duty during the time the hotel was closed.

2. Relief and assistance to all those who were injured and killed

3. The relief and assistance was extended to all those who died at the railway station, surroundings including the “Pav- Bha ji” vendor and the pan shop owners.

4. During the time the hotel was closed, the salaries were sent by money order.

5. A psychiatric cell was established in collaboration with Tata Institute of Social Sciences to counsel those who needed such help.

6. The thoughts and anxieties going on people’s mind was constantly tracked and where needed psychological help provided.

7. Employee outreach centers were opened where all help, food, water, sanitation, first aid and counseling was provided. 1600 employees were covered by this facility.

8. Every employee was assigned to one mentor and it was that person’s responsibility to act as a “single window” clearance for any help that the person required.

9. Ratan Tata personally visited the families of all the 80 employees who in some manner – either through injury or getting killed – were affected.

10. The dependents of the employees were flown from outside Mumbai to Mumbai and taken care off in terms of ensuring mental assurance and peace. They were all accommodated in Hotel President for 3 weeks.

11. Ratan Tata himself asked the families and dependents – as to what they wanted him to do.

12. In a record time of 20 days, a new trust was created by the Tatas for the purpose of relief of employees.

13. What is unique is that even the other people, the railway employees, the police staff, the pedestrians who had nothing to do with Tatas were covered by compensation. Each one of them was provided subsistence allowance of Rs. 10K per month for all these people for 6 months.

14. A 4 year old granddaughter of a vendor got 4 bullets in her and only one was removed in the Government hospital. She was taken to Bombay hospital and several lacs were spent by the Tatas on her to fully recover her.

15. New hand carts were provided to several vendors who lost their carts.

16. Tata will take responsibility of life education of 46 children of the victims of the terror.

17. This was the most trying period in the life of the organization. Senior managers including Ratan Tata were visiting funeral to funeral over the 3 days that were most horrible.

18. The settlement for every deceased member ranged from Rs. 36 to 85 lacs [One lakh rupees tranlates to approx 2200 US $ ] in addition to the following benefits:

a. Full last salary for life for the family and dependents;

b. Complete responsibility of education of children and dependents – anywhere in the world.

c. Full Medical facility for the whole family and dependents for rest of their life.

d. All loans and advances were waived off – irrespective of the amount.

e. Counselor for life for each person

B. Epilogue

1. How was such passion created among the employees? How and why did they behave the way they did?

2. The organization is clear that it is not something that someone can take credit for. It is not some training and development that created such behaviour. If someone suggests that – everyone laughs

3. It has to do with the DNA of the organization, with the way Tata culture exists and above all with the situation that prevailed that time. The organization has always been telling that customers and guests are #1 priority

4. The hotel business was started by Jamshedji Tata when he was insulted in one of the British hotels and not allowed to stay there.

5. He created several institutions which later became icons of progress, culture and modernity. IISc is one such institute. He was told by the rulers that time that he can acquire land for IISc to the extent he could fence the same. He could afford fencing only 400 acres.

6. When the HR function hesitatingly made a very rich proposal to Ratan – he said – do you think we are doing enough?

7. The whole approach was that the organization would spend several hundred crore in re-building the property – why not spend equally on the employees who gave their life?

This is NOT COVERED BY Any NEWS CHANNELS !

PUT THE GLASS DOWN

Study this small story; Hope that makes a BIG change

Professor began his class by holding up a glass with some water in it. He held it up for all to see & asked the students
"How much do you think this glass weighs?"

'50gms!’..... '100gms!' .....'125gms' ...the students answered.

"I really don't know unless I weigh it," said the professor, "but, my question is:

What would happen if I held it up like this for a few minutes?"

‘Nothing’...The students said.

'Ok what would happen if I held it up like this for an hour?' the professor asked.

'Your arm would begin to ache' said one of the student

"You're right, now what would happen if I held it for a day?"

"Your arm could go numb; you might have severe muscle stress & paralysis & have to go to hospital for sure!"
.. Ventured another student & all the students laughed

"Very good.

But during all this, did the weight of the glass change?" asked the professor.

'No'. Was the answer.

"Then what caused the arm ache & the muscle stress?"

The students were puzzled.

"What should I do now to come out of pain?" asked professor again.

"Put the glass down!" said one of the students

"Exactly!" said the professor.

Life's problems are something like this.
Hold it for a few minutes in your head & they seem OK.

Think of them for a long time & they begin to ache.
Hold it even longer & they begin to paralyze you. You will not be able to do anything...

It's important to think of the challenges or problems in your life,
But EVEN MORE IMPORTANT is to 'PUT THEM DOWN' at the end of every day before You go to sleep...

That way, you are not stressed, you wake up every day fresh & strong & can handle any issue, any challenge that comes your way!

So, when you leave office/work everyday, Remember to

' PUT THE GLASS DOWN! '