Tips for an Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!

1.) Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate antidepressant.
2.) Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.
3.) Always pray and make time to exercise.
4.) Spend more time with people over the age of 70 And under the age of Six.
5.) Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants And eat less foods that are manufactured in Plants.
6.) Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
7.) Try to make at least three people smile each day.
8.) Clear your clutter from your house, car, desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
9.) Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control.Instead, Invest your energy in the positive present moment.
10.) Realize that life is a school and you are here To learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum That appear and fade away like algebra class .......but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
11.) Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince And dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge Card.
12.) Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
13.) Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
14.) Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15.) You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
16.) Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
17.) Don't compare your life to others'. You have no Idea what their journey is all about.
18.) Ladies - Go on and burn those 'special' scented Candles, use the 600 thread count sheets, the good China and wear fancy lingerie now. Stop waiting for a special occasion. Every day is special.
19.) No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
20.) Frame every so-called disaster with these Words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
21.) Forgive everyone for everything.
22.) What other people think of you is none of your Business.
23.) Time heals almost everything. Give time, time!
24.) However good or bad a situation is, it will Change.
25.) Your job won't take care of you when you are Sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch with them.
26.) Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
27.) Envy is a waste of time. You already have all You need. God provides, remember?!
28.) The best is yet to come. (in Heaven)
29.) No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
30.) Do the right thing!
31.) Call your family often.
32.) Each night before you go to bed complete the Following statements: 'I am thankful for __________.'Today I accomplished _________.
33.) Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
34.) Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast

Pass. You only have one ride through life so make The most of it and enjoy the ride.
LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH. LIFE'S A PRESENT ... UNWRAP IT! Have a Blessed day. Please share with friends!

Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee

- You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people’s fingernails.
- Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”
- You can type sixty words per minute … with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- Cocaine is a downer.
- You don’t need a hammer to pound nails.
- Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
- You don’t sweat, you percolate.
- You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
- You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.
- The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can thread a sewing machine, while it’s running.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
- You don’t tan, you roast.
- You can’t even remember your second cup.
- You help your dog chase its tail.

God sends you a smile...

Marriage

1. Apni Biwi KO apni 100% kamai dene se 10% Sukh milta hai.
Kisi doosri ko apni kamai ka 10% dene pe 100% sukh milta hai
... Paisa apka ... Faisla apka .. . Jaago Graahak Jaago !!!

2. " Funny but true fact !! A woman worries about her future till
she gets a
husband, A man never worries about his future until he gets a
wife !! ..
What do u say?

3. A Man before marriage is - Superman. After Marriage -
Gentleman. 5
Years Later - Watchman. 10 Years later - Apne Hi Jaal Mein
fasaa hua
Spiderman.

4. Life me hamesha Haste raho,muskrate raho, gaate raho, gungunate
raho...
taki tumhe dekh kar hi log samaj jaye k tum... " UNMARRIED"
ho.

5. Wife- agar main kho gayi to tum kya karoge?
Husband - main TV aur newspaper mein Ad dunga ki jaha kahin bhi
ho.....
KHUSH RAHO

6. Why love marriage is better dan Arranged???? B'coz a "KNOWN
DEVIL"
is better dan an "UNKNOWN GHOST".

7. Wife: main tumhari yaad mein 2O din mein hi aadhi ho gayi hoon,
mujhe
lene kab aa rahe ho?
HUSBAND: 2O din aur ruk jaao.

8. A man gave an add in Matrimonial column
"PATNI CHAHIYE"
He got 1000 replies all saying:-
"Meri Le Ja...!"
''Meri Le Ja...!''

9. Husband to Hotel Manager: "Jaldi chalo! meri biwi khidki se kud
kar jaan
dena chahti hai"
Manager: "What can I do?
Husband"Kamine, khidki nahi khul rahi hai."

10. Telling a lie is a
fault for a little boy,
an art for a lover,
an accomplishment for a bachelor and
a Matter of Survival for a married man.

LOVE LETTER FROM CLASS 1 STUDENT TO KG A STUDENT

To,
Tinny
class kg A

Dear Tinny,
I luv u. My dream i c U. Everywhere u. U no,i live no.I come red shirt 2mrw.U luv i,u cum red frock.I w8 down mango tree.U no cum,i jump train.sure cum.
urs 4evr,
monty.
Class 1B..

now Tinny replies..

Darlin,ur letter mummy c.Papa beat me,beat me so many beat me.I cry.I cry.So no cum 2 mango tree.No jump train.I luv u. C another day.I no red frock.Only green:-(
U Luv

Photos with a message from reality!

Internet Addict

Can you really comment on this bindaas Internet Addict?

Top 20 Reasons Now to Date A Baseball Player

20. We peak our best in the spring, but well play all year long
19. We know how to use the bats
18. We know how to sacrifice for the team.
17. We prep the field before we get started, and clean it after were done.
16. Only the best play.
15. Were not done til sumone scores
14. Were taught to try to hit it into the gaps.
13. we love to get down and dirty.
12. Were used to going back to back doubleheaders.
11. We do it morning, day and night
10. We have great hands.



9. Were used to scoring no matter what base were on.
8. We have tremendous endurance.
7. We carry a big stick.
6. We don't stop 'til the job is done, and there can always be extra innings.
5. We like to touch every base carefully.
4. We like to hit it hard.
3. We take the extra base if we can get it.
2. We slide into home really hard.
1. We can do it in all 9 positions.

Some beautiful moments of life...

Wen ur LuV is been accepted by ur sweet LuV wen U really didn't expect..

Wen sum1 tells U 'I LuV U' 4 d 1st tym..

Wen U r given a chance 2 put a ring 2 ur LuV in a place whr ther is no 1..

Wen sum1 kisses ur 4head 4 d 1st tym..

Wen ur LuV hugs U tytly & says 'Ur my lyf' & want 2 live wid U 4evr..

Wen ur LuV catches ur hand 4 support or wen he or she slips down..

Wen ur LuV wipes ur tears & gives U a tyt hug 2 make U realize dat dey r always by ur side..

Wen ur dirty dress luks gud 4 ur SweetHeart..

Wen ur chocalates r worth more than a million dollar cheque..

D biggest of all wen sum1 calls 15mins b4 ur B'day nyt n says 'I don want any1 2 call U b4 me'..

Dese r very few of fav situations in lyf, LuV ur LuV..Dont cheat.. Dont leave dem.. 4 evry 1 has a heart dat beats...Bcoz U myt b '1 4 all' 4 a stranger...

Headlines of 1/1/2025

Headlines of 1/1/2025

1. Dhoom-15 ready 2 release.

2. I'll play d next world cup- Sachin.

3. Shahid, Saif attended Kareena's 4th wedding.

4. Petrol-984 rs/litre.

5. Shahrukh's daughter becomes a heroine wid Amitabh Bachhan in a LuV story titled-Chini Khatam.

6. CID completed 10,00,000 episodes

7. Nokia launches new fon wid facilitys lyk-
10 sim card, 80Mega Pixel Camera, 1 TB in built memory, Music player, TV & Washing machine in fon.

8. Ram Gopal Verma launches phoonk23. Again failed at box office.

9. Nainital super player beat kolhapur Maratha in IPL-18.

Dirty Football Sayings

20. The hole closed on him before he could penetrate it.

19. He came at his blind side and got him from behind.

18. He's off to the sidelines for a quick blow.

17. It's a game of inches.

16. That hole was so big, you could drive a truck through it.

15. When you get down in this area, you just gotta start pounding.

14. He's gonna feel that one tomorrow.

13. He found his tight end.

12. End around.

11. He had to stretch to get it in.

10. He gets penetration in the backfield.

9. He blows them off (at the line).

8. He bangs it in.

7. He could go all the way.

6. He gets it off just in time.

5. He goes deep.

4. He found a hole and slid through it.

3. He pounds it in.

2. He beats them off (the line)

1. He's got great hands.

Comebacks for Women

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty?
Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine?
Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living?
Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign?
Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: Your body is like a temple.
Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you.
Woman: But would you stay there?

Windows In Hindi

Microsoft plans to release a windows version in Hindi. Here are some Windows related terms that may be used in the Hindi version of…

Ati Sushm Naram Khidkiya:
Phaail = File
Bachao = Save
Aise Bachao = Save as
Subko Bachao = Save All
Mujhe Bachao = Help
Dhoondo = Find
Firse Dhoondo = Find Again
Hilao = Move
Daak = Mail
Daakiya = Mailer
Paas se dhekho = Zoom
Duur se dhekho = Zoom Out
Kholo = Open
Bandh Karo = Close
Naya = New
Khatara = Old
Badli Karo = Replace
Bhaago = Run
Chhaapo = Print
Dekh Ke Chhaapo = Print Preview
Kaapi = Copy
Kaato = Cut
Kato = Stupid Houseguest
Chipkao = Paste
Payshul Chipkao = Paste Special
Goli Maaro = Delete
Nazaara = View
Hathiyaar = Tools
Hathiyaar Khambha = Toolbar
Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet
Iska Bhi Naam Nahin Aata = Database
Futaas Ki Goli Kha = Exit
Ped = Tree
Thooso = Compress
Chooha = mouse
Tik-Tik Karo = Click
Idhar-se-Udhar.Udhar-se-Idhar = Scrollbar
Cheers !

Software ADs on Doordarshan!

“The man , The Machine, The Software – PeopleSoft VII”

Boy – “I am a PB boy”
Girl – “I am a PB gal”
“Badte bacho ke liye complete software – Powerbuilder”

“Eat bugs, Sleep bugs…..Do only debugs”

Internet Programmer – “I got the ASP power , now u go get it!!!”

“Microsoft office – Nothing official about it !!!”

” Software ki raksha karta hein Norton Anti virus…. Software hai jaha, Norton Antivirus hein vaha…”

Project Manager – I want the code today….
Programmer – 2 minutes
“Programmer ka kaam kare asaan, Duniya bhar me hai iski shaan…VB….VB…..VB”

Progect Manager – “Power objects is the secret of my programs”
Programmers – “Our programs”

Husband – Thak gaya hoon mein
Wife gives him instant coffee and says
To create instant miracle….Use Oracle !

Love Letter in Maths...

A love letter by a maths student to his girlfriend

"My sweet straight line, yesterday I was passing by your rectangular house in trigonometric lane.

There my eyes with positive slope fell orthogonaly on your cute circular face, conical nose & spherical eyes.

Before seeing you my heart was a null set but when a vector from your eyes at deviation of theta radiants made a tangent 2 my heart, I got differentiated..

My love for you is a quad-eqn with real roots. Now only you can integrate me back..

Ab isse jyada MATHS nahi aati mujhe ok..?"

Marriage proposal from a Desi boy

A Desi chap was deeply in love with a pretty foreign girl, whom he wanted. But he did not have the courage to talk to her in person. So he decided to go alone and with the help of a dictionary, he wrote a letter of proposal to her.

HE WROTE :

Most worthy of your estimation
after a long consideration
and much mediation.
I have a strong indication
to become your relation.
As to my educational qualification,
it is no exaggeration or fabrication
that I have passed my matriculation examination;
no doubt without any hesitation and very little preparation.
What do you say to the solemnisation
of our marriage celebration
according to the glorification of modern civilisation
and with a view to the expansion
of the population of present generation.

On your approbation of the application,
I shall make preparation to improve my situation,
and if such obligation is worthy of consideration
it will be our argumentation of the joy and
exaltation of our joint dissimilation.

Thanking you in anticipation and with devotion,

To remain victim of your fascination.

SHE WROTE :

Dear Mr. Victim of my fascination,

Congratulation for your lengthy narration
of course full of affection aimed at an affiliation
for a combination which on examination
I find is a fine presentation of your ambition.

You have passed your matriculation with little preparation,
what about my graduation after a long botheration,
so improve situation in education
and make an application by acquisition
of post graduation and minimum qualification
for the convocation and before taking your photo for circulation
undergo beautification.

Further strict observation of the following conditions is the
regulation for the determination of our relation.

1. Consultation of my parents before approaching for my connection.

2. Communication of your confirmation that you are not a victim
of any fascination and,

3. Procreation must not be your recreation.

In anticipation of a solid action instead of continuation of
paper conversation.

I Remain,

Unaffected by your affection.

10 Reasons to Date a Hockey Player

1. They always wear protection

2. They have great hands

3. They are used to scoring

4. They have great stamina

5. They find the opening and get it in

6. They never miss the target

7. They know how to use their wood

8. They have long sticks

9.They know when to play rough

10. Because baseball players only know how to hit balls.

Some more...

1. They have great hands

2. They always wear protection

3. They have tremendous stamina and endurance

4. They know when to play rough

5. They are use to scoring from any position

6. They never stop until their job is done

7. They love to slam bodies

8. When they play rough they hit from behind

9. Good players score more then once in a night

10. Because all other athletes like to play with balls

"Is Fuel Really Costly?"

"Is Fuel Really Costly?"
GO AHEAD, READ ON..

I filled up my vehicle's fuel tank & I thot fuel has become really expensive .

But wen I compared it wid other liquids & wid sum calculations , I felt a little better..

Here r d results below..

Petrol: Rs.50/litre

Coca Cola
330ml can Rs.25

i.e. Rs.76/litre
.
.
.
Nariyal paani
200ml Rs.25

i.e. Rs.125/litre
.
.
.
Pantene conditioner
400ml Rs.165

i.e. Rs.413/litre
.
.
.
Parachute oil
100ml Rs21

i.e. Rs210.00/litre
.
.
.
Dis is d REAL KICKER

Lexmark inkjet color ink cartridge
21ml Rs.950

i.e. Rs.45238/litre
.
.
.
So don't curse Petrol rates..
Be glad ur bike/car doesn't run on Ink Cartridge, Coke, Hair 0il etc.. :)
LoLz..

Wat a fucking great message...

"FUCK" is d only word which can b used 2 xpress many feelins

Revenge- FUCK u

Request- Plz FUCK off

Failure- I'm FUCKed

Anxiety- Wat d FUCK is hapnin

Anger- Get d FUCK out of here

Curius- How d FUCK did u do dat?

LuV- Shez FUCKin beautiful

Lust- Aah FUCK me baby

Pride- I'm a FUCKin genius!

Victory- I won dat FUCKin competition.

Sad- Y d FUCK does dis happen 2 me?

Confused- Wat d FUCK?

U'l b thinkin dis is 1 FUCKin great msg....

May God Bless ur dirty mind...

D Sky was dark,
D moon was high.
All alone, just her & I.

Her hair so soft, her eyes so blue. I knew just wat she wanted 2 do.

Her skin so soft, Her legs so fine. I ran my finger down her spine.

I did nt know how
But I Tried My Best,
I Started By Putting
My hand on her Breast.

I remember my fear,
My fast beating heart.
But slowly, she spread her legs apart.

And wen I did it, I felt no shame, & all at 1s d white stuff came..

At last its finished.
Its all over now.

MY FIRST TIME EVER
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
MILKING A COW..
:-D
May God bless ur dirty mind..

America's true policies to handle things

President Obama went 2 school 2 interact wid children. After a brief talk he asked if dey had any questions. 1 boy raised his hand.

Obama: Wats ur name?
Boy: John. I've 3 questions.
1.Y did America attack Iraq widout approval of UN?
2.Where is Osama?
3.Y does America support Pakistan so much?

Obama: U r an intelligent student John.
(Just then d recess bell rang)
Obama: Oh students we'll continue after d recess is over.

After d recess!

Obama: Ok children where were we? So anybody wants 2 ask a qstn?

Peter raises hand.
Obama: Wats ur name?

Peter: Sir, I'm Peter & I've 5 qstns
1.Y did America attack Iraq widout approval of UN?
2.Where is Osama?
3.Y does America support Pakistan so much?
4.Y did recess bell ring 20mins b4 d tym? &
5.Where is John?

The problem within

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss.


Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a response."


That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens."

Then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?"

No response.

So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Still no response.

Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again he gets no response so he walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

Again there is no response.

So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?"

*

*

*

"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"



Moral of the story:

The problem may not be with the other one as we always think, could be very much within us..!

Top 50 Funny One Liners Jokes

1. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!
2. Girls are like phones. We love to be held, talked too but if you press the wrong button you’ll be disconnected!
3. Why’d they call it PMS? Cos Mad cow disease was already taken!
4. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
5. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
6. Well, this day was a total waste of makeup.
7. Make yourself at home! Clean my kitchen.
8. Who are these kids and why are they calling me Mom?
9. Don’t bother me. I’m living happily ever after.
10. Do I look like a people person?
11. This isn’t an office. It’s Hell with fluorescent lighting.
12. I pretend to work. They pretend to pay me.
13. Therapy is expensive, poppin’ bubble wrap is cheap! You choose.
14. Bottomless pit of needs & wants.
15. I like cats, too. Let’s exchange recipes.
16. If I want to hear the pitter patter of little feet,
17. I’ll put shoes on my cat.
18. Does your train of thought have a caboose?
19. Let me show you how the guards used to do it.
20. And just how may I screw you over today?
21. I’m not crazy, I’ve just been in a very bad mood for 30 years.
22. If only you’d use your powers for good instead of evil…
23. Allow me to introduce my selves.
24. Sarcasm is just one more service we offer.
25. Whisper my favorite words: “I’ll buy it for you.”
26. Better living through denial.
27. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
28. Suburbia: where they tear out the trees
29. & then name streets after them.
30. Do they ever shut up on your planet?
31. Are those your eyeballs? I found them in my cleavage.
32. I’m not your type. I’m not inflatable.
33. I’m trying to imagine you with a personality.
34. A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.
35. I can’t remember if I’m the good twin or the evil one.
36. Don’t worry. I forgot your name, too!
37. Adults are just kids who owe money.
38. I just want revenge. Is that so wrong?
39. I work 40 hours a week to be this poor.
40. You say I’m a “b—-” like it’s a bad thing.
41. Can I trade this job for what’s behind door #2?
42. Macho Law forbids me from admitting I’m wrong.
43. Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?
44. You look like crap. Is that the style now?
45. Everyone thinks I’m psychotic, except for the friends in my head.
46. Always remember you’re unique – just like everyone else.
47. I heard you took an IQ test and they said you’re results were negative.
48. How do u keep an idiot amused? Watch this message until it goes away!
49. Jesus loves you…everyone else thinks you’re an asshole!
50. Love is a name, Sex is a game. Forget the name and lets play that game!

Top 25 Things To Do In Elevator

1) Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
wrong ones.

2) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile,
and go back for more.

3) When there’s only one other person in the elevator, tap them
on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn’t you.
4) Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
know what floor you’re on.

5) Hold the doors open and say you’re waiting for a friend. After
a while, let the doors close, and say, &quote, Hi Greg. How’s your day
been?”

6) Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then
scream, &quote, that’s mine!”

7) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8) Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on,
ask if they have an appointment.

9) Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to
play.

10) Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask
them if they can hear ticking.

11) Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.

12) Ask, &quote, Did you feel that?”

13) Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14) When the doors close, announce to the others, &quote, It’s okay,
don’t panic, they open again!”

15) Swat at flies that don’t exist.

16) Tell people that you can see their aura.

17) Call out, &quote, Group Hug! & quote and then enforce it.

18) Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and
muttering, &quote, Shut up, all of you, just shut up!”

19) Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering
inside, ask, &quote, Got enough air in there?”

20) Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the
wall, without getting off.

21) Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
horror, &quote, your one of THEM!” and back away slowly.

22) Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other
passengers.

23) Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then
announce, &quote, I have new socks on & quote.