A is for the automobile which he doesn’t own.
B is also for brain, which was located between his legs.
C is for the commitment that was never there.
D is for the dildo he didn’t know I had.
E is for ego. His was bigger than a hot air balloon.
F is for his faithfulness, as long as there wasn’t something or someone better to do.
G is also for the spot he could never find!
H is for laughter (HA! HA!) the last sound he heard from me as he was walking out the door.
I is for impotent which is what I told everyone he was.
J is for jugular, the one I’d love to sever.
K is for kinky, he always started without me.
L is for love in most cases, but exceptions have been made, L is for LOSER in this case, along with LUSH and LITTLE DICK.
M is for MAN. Has anyone been able to find one? Have you ever met one? Do you know where any are?
N is for the narcotics. He drove me past alcohol.
O is for the orgasms he thought he made me have.
P is for PAYBACKS. Remember they are HELL!
Q is for queer. I sometimes wonder if he is.
R is for the hopeless romantic he said he was. He was half right. He was hopeless, not to mention worthless.
S is also for satisfied, which he rarely made me feel.
T is for typical. Typical little boy playing at being a man.
U is also for the ugly girl he is dating now.
V is for the voodoo doll I made of him.
W is for wife, the one he said he didn’t have.
X is what he is to me now!!!!
Y is for WHY the hell did I ever get involved with him.
Z isn’t for anything, just like him, he ain’t anything either.
Jul 12, 2010
Doctor’s medical definitions
Anatomy – something that everybody has but somehow looks better on a girl
Bachelor – a fellow that can take women or leave them, and prefers to do both.
Mistress – something between a mister and a mattress
Psychologist – a man who watches everybody else when a pretty girl enters the room
Neurotic – a woman who likes a psychiatrist’s couch better than a double bed
Hypochondriac – a person wants to have her ache and treat it too
Gynaecologist – a man who works and operates in another man’s field
Gynaecologist – at your cervix, madam.
Patient – I’m dilated to meet you.
Bachelor – a fellow that can take women or leave them, and prefers to do both.
Mistress – something between a mister and a mattress
Psychologist – a man who watches everybody else when a pretty girl enters the room
Neurotic – a woman who likes a psychiatrist’s couch better than a double bed
Hypochondriac – a person wants to have her ache and treat it too
Gynaecologist – a man who works and operates in another man’s field
Gynaecologist – at your cervix, madam.
Patient – I’m dilated to meet you.
Jul 8, 2010
BE HAPPY...
A saint asked his disciples, 'Why do we shout in anger? Why do people shout at each other when they are upset?'
Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.'
'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the saint. 'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.
Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.'
Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small...'
The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'
MORAL
When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.
+++++++++++++
How to be Happy in Life
How to be happy in life? Now, that's the question even a small child can answer. And yet, it's so difficult that we have to search the answer for it on the Internet. Nonetheless, this article won't disappoint you, if your happiness depends on it!
"If you want to be happy, be." Leo Tolstoy answered the eternal question that haunts the mind of every mortal human being in just one line. Why does happiness has to be so difficult to achieve, when it solely depends upon us? Newborn babies are the happiest lot in the world, with no fear, no worries about future, no grudges and no preconceived notions about anything or anyone. Unfortunately, as we grow up, worldly worries start working up their way upon our minds. Eventually, we become so possessed by these worries that we forget what happiness is. Then one fine day, it dawns upon us how unhappy we are and thereon, the pursuit of happiness begins. If you have begun your quest on how to be happy in life, then read the following advice.
How to be Happy in Your Life
Make a Choice
Happiness is a matter of choice. You either choose to be happy or you choose otherwise. It's that simple. A person who knows how to be happy, will always be happy, no matter what situation you put him into. On the other hand, a person who always finds faults with everyone and everything around him, cannot be happy, no matter how hard he tries. Thus, if you want to be happy, make a choice now, at this moment and you will indeed feel better.
Laugh a Lot
When you smile or laugh, the muscles in your face stimulate the brain to secrete 'happy chemicals.' These chemicals induce a feeling of wellness within you, which in turn makes you happy. Hence, find humor in everything around you. Laugh at yourself, laugh at your problems, laugh at your little worries and then see what difference it makes to your life. Sounds silly, but it does work!
Forget and Forgive
If you really want to be happy you need to forget others' mistakes and forgive them. Holding grudge against them will earn you nothing, instead it will make you even more unhappy. You don't need to be a saintly figure and have an extra large heart. Just letting go of others' faults every once in a while helps you to be happy.
Blast the Past
Often, the dark shadows from our past loom large over our present and future. They ruin every single second of our life and turn it into a bad memory, which again comes to haunt us. Hence, let go of your past and any bad memories associated with it. Cut off any strings from the past that might be holding you and preventing you from leading a happy life in present.
Learn to Give
'Giving' is an immensely satisfying experience and the joy of giving cannot be expressed in words. Giving anything, be it wealth, art, skill, wisdom, can bring happiness to your life. One who gives all his life ends up leading a happy life than the one who concentrates only on making money or deriving large profits.
Develop a Vision
How you view things around you depends upon your own perspective. If you have a very positive outlook towards life, you will develop a vision, wherein you would start taking everything in your favor. As a result, you will find nothing wrong to complain about. This will make you happy in the long run.
One must understand that happiness is a state of mind. Nothing in the world can make you happy or unhappy, unless you allow it. Thus, the answer to the question 'how to be happy in life' solely lies within you. I would like to conclude this article with one of my favorite 'how to be happy quotes' by Alexandre Dumas which says, "There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state to another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life."
Disciples thought for a while, one of them said, 'Because we lose our calm, we shout for that.'
'But, why to shout when the other person is just next to you?' asked the saint. 'Isn't it possible to speak to him or her with a soft voice? Why do you shout at a person when you're angry?'
Disciples gave some other answers but none satisfied the saint.
Finally he explained, 'When two people are angry at each other, their hearts distance a lot. To cover that distance they must shout to be able to hear each other. The angrier they are, the stronger they will have to shout to hear each other through that great distance.'
Then the saint asked, 'What happens when two people fall in love? They don't shout at each other but talk softly, why? Because their hearts are very close. The distance between them is very small...'
The saint continued, 'When they love each other even more, what happens? They do not speak, only whisper and they get even closer to each other in their love. Finally they even need not whisper, they only look at each other and that's all. That is how close two people are when they love each other.'
MORAL
When you argue do not let your hearts get distant, do not say words that distance each other more, else there will come a day when the distance is so great that you will not find the path to return.
+++++++++++++
How to be Happy in Life
How to be happy in life? Now, that's the question even a small child can answer. And yet, it's so difficult that we have to search the answer for it on the Internet. Nonetheless, this article won't disappoint you, if your happiness depends on it!
"If you want to be happy, be." Leo Tolstoy answered the eternal question that haunts the mind of every mortal human being in just one line. Why does happiness has to be so difficult to achieve, when it solely depends upon us? Newborn babies are the happiest lot in the world, with no fear, no worries about future, no grudges and no preconceived notions about anything or anyone. Unfortunately, as we grow up, worldly worries start working up their way upon our minds. Eventually, we become so possessed by these worries that we forget what happiness is. Then one fine day, it dawns upon us how unhappy we are and thereon, the pursuit of happiness begins. If you have begun your quest on how to be happy in life, then read the following advice.
How to be Happy in Your Life
Make a Choice
Happiness is a matter of choice. You either choose to be happy or you choose otherwise. It's that simple. A person who knows how to be happy, will always be happy, no matter what situation you put him into. On the other hand, a person who always finds faults with everyone and everything around him, cannot be happy, no matter how hard he tries. Thus, if you want to be happy, make a choice now, at this moment and you will indeed feel better.
Laugh a Lot
When you smile or laugh, the muscles in your face stimulate the brain to secrete 'happy chemicals.' These chemicals induce a feeling of wellness within you, which in turn makes you happy. Hence, find humor in everything around you. Laugh at yourself, laugh at your problems, laugh at your little worries and then see what difference it makes to your life. Sounds silly, but it does work!
Forget and Forgive
If you really want to be happy you need to forget others' mistakes and forgive them. Holding grudge against them will earn you nothing, instead it will make you even more unhappy. You don't need to be a saintly figure and have an extra large heart. Just letting go of others' faults every once in a while helps you to be happy.
Blast the Past
Often, the dark shadows from our past loom large over our present and future. They ruin every single second of our life and turn it into a bad memory, which again comes to haunt us. Hence, let go of your past and any bad memories associated with it. Cut off any strings from the past that might be holding you and preventing you from leading a happy life in present.
Learn to Give
'Giving' is an immensely satisfying experience and the joy of giving cannot be expressed in words. Giving anything, be it wealth, art, skill, wisdom, can bring happiness to your life. One who gives all his life ends up leading a happy life than the one who concentrates only on making money or deriving large profits.
Develop a Vision
How you view things around you depends upon your own perspective. If you have a very positive outlook towards life, you will develop a vision, wherein you would start taking everything in your favor. As a result, you will find nothing wrong to complain about. This will make you happy in the long run.
One must understand that happiness is a state of mind. Nothing in the world can make you happy or unhappy, unless you allow it. Thus, the answer to the question 'how to be happy in life' solely lies within you. I would like to conclude this article with one of my favorite 'how to be happy quotes' by Alexandre Dumas which says, "There is neither happiness nor misery in the world; there is only the comparison of one state to another, nothing more. He who has felt the deepest grief is best able to experience supreme happiness. We must have felt what it is to die, that we may appreciate the enjoyments of life."
Jul 3, 2010
Who Says Making a girl Happy is Difficult?
Who Says Making a girl Happy is Difficult?
Its not difficult to make a girl happy.
A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a chef
5. an electrician
6. a carpenter
7. a plumber
8. a mechanic
9. a decorator
10. a stylist
11. a driver
12. a gynecologist
13. a psychologist
14. a pest exterminator
15. a psychiatrist
16. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
Its not difficult to make a girl happy.
A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a chef
5. an electrician
6. a carpenter
7. a plumber
8. a mechanic
9. a decorator
10. a stylist
11. a driver
12. a gynecologist
13. a psychologist
14. a pest exterminator
15. a psychiatrist
16. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate
WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. Be a lyricist
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls
Quite Easy :-(
Jun 20, 2010
Tips for an Exceptional, Superb & Powerful Life!
1.) Take a 10-30 minute walk every day. And while you walk, smile. It is the ultimate antidepressant.
2.) Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.
3.) Always pray and make time to exercise.
4.) Spend more time with people over the age of 70 And under the age of Six.
5.) Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants And eat less foods that are manufactured in Plants.
6.) Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
7.) Try to make at least three people smile each day.
8.) Clear your clutter from your house, car, desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
9.) Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control.Instead, Invest your energy in the positive present moment.
10.) Realize that life is a school and you are here To learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum That appear and fade away like algebra class .......but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
11.) Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince And dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge Card.
12.) Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
13.) Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
14.) Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15.) You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
16.) Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
17.) Don't compare your life to others'. You have no Idea what their journey is all about.
18.) Ladies - Go on and burn those 'special' scented Candles, use the 600 thread count sheets, the good China and wear fancy lingerie now. Stop waiting for a special occasion. Every day is special.
19.) No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
20.) Frame every so-called disaster with these Words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
21.) Forgive everyone for everything.
22.) What other people think of you is none of your Business.
23.) Time heals almost everything. Give time, time!
24.) However good or bad a situation is, it will Change.
25.) Your job won't take care of you when you are Sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch with them.
26.) Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
27.) Envy is a waste of time. You already have all You need. God provides, remember?!
28.) The best is yet to come. (in Heaven)
29.) No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
30.) Do the right thing!
31.) Call your family often.
32.) Each night before you go to bed complete the Following statements: 'I am thankful for __________.'Today I accomplished _________.
33.) Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
34.) Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast
Pass. You only have one ride through life so make The most of it and enjoy the ride.
LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH. LIFE'S A PRESENT ... UNWRAP IT! Have a Blessed day. Please share with friends!
2.) Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day. Buy a lock if you have to.
3.) Always pray and make time to exercise.
4.) Spend more time with people over the age of 70 And under the age of Six.
5.) Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants And eat less foods that are manufactured in Plants.
6.) Drink green tea and plenty of water. Eat broccoli, almonds & walnuts.
7.) Try to make at least three people smile each day.
8.) Clear your clutter from your house, car, desk and let new and flowing energy into your life.
9.) Don't waste your precious energy on gossip, issues of the past, negative thoughts or things you cannot control.Instead, Invest your energy in the positive present moment.
10.) Realize that life is a school and you are here To learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum That appear and fade away like algebra class .......but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
11.) Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince And dinner like a college kid with a maxed out charge Card.
12.) Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
13.) Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
14.) Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15.) You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
16.) Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
17.) Don't compare your life to others'. You have no Idea what their journey is all about.
18.) Ladies - Go on and burn those 'special' scented Candles, use the 600 thread count sheets, the good China and wear fancy lingerie now. Stop waiting for a special occasion. Every day is special.
19.) No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
20.) Frame every so-called disaster with these Words: 'In five years, will this matter?'
21.) Forgive everyone for everything.
22.) What other people think of you is none of your Business.
23.) Time heals almost everything. Give time, time!
24.) However good or bad a situation is, it will Change.
25.) Your job won't take care of you when you are Sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch with them.
26.) Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
27.) Envy is a waste of time. You already have all You need. God provides, remember?!
28.) The best is yet to come. (in Heaven)
29.) No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
30.) Do the right thing!
31.) Call your family often.
32.) Each night before you go to bed complete the Following statements: 'I am thankful for __________.'Today I accomplished _________.
33.) Remember that you are too blessed to be stressed.
34.) Enjoy the ride. Remember that this is not Disney World and you certainly don't want a fast
Pass. You only have one ride through life so make The most of it and enjoy the ride.
LIVE, LOVE, LAUGH. LIFE'S A PRESENT ... UNWRAP IT! Have a Blessed day. Please share with friends!
Jun 18, 2010
Signs You Drink Too Much Coffee
- You answer the door before people knock.
- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.
- You ski uphill.
- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
- You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
- You lick your coffeepot clean.
- You’re the employee of the month at the local coffeehouse and you don’t even work there.
- Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
- You chew on other people’s fingernails.
- Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s blend.”
- You can type sixty words per minute … with your feet.
- You can jump-start your car without cables.
- Cocaine is a downer.
- You don’t need a hammer to pound nails.
- Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
- You don’t sweat, you percolate.
- You buy 1/2 & 1/2 by the barrel.
- You’ve worn out the handle on your favorite mug.
- You go to AA meetings just for the free coffee.
- You walk twenty miles on your treadmill before you realize it’s not plugged in.
- You forget to unwrap candy bars before eating them.
- Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
- You’ve built a miniature city out of little plastic stirrers.
- People get dizzy just watching you.
- You’ve worn the finish off your coffee table.
- The Taster’s Choice couple wants to adopt you.
- Starbucks owns the mortgage on your house.
- Your taste buds are so numb you could drink your lava lamp.
- Instant coffee takes too long.
- When someone says. “How are you?”, you say, “Good to the last drop.”
- You want to be cremated just so you can spend the rest of eternity in a coffee can.
- Your birthday is a national holiday in Brazil.
- You’re offended when people use the word “brew” to mean beer.
- You have a picture of your coffee mug on your coffee mug.
- You can thread a sewing machine, while it’s running.
- You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
- You short out motion detectors.
- You don’t even wait for the water to boil anymore.
- Your nervous twitch registers on the Richter scale.
- You think being called a “drip” is a compliment.
- You don’t tan, you roast.
- You can’t even remember your second cup.
- You help your dog chase its tail.
Jun 17, 2010
Marriage
1. Apni Biwi KO apni 100% kamai dene se 10% Sukh milta hai.
Kisi doosri ko apni kamai ka 10% dene pe 100% sukh milta hai
... Paisa apka ... Faisla apka .. . Jaago Graahak Jaago !!!
2. " Funny but true fact !! A woman worries about her future till
she gets a
husband, A man never worries about his future until he gets a
wife !! ..
What do u say?
3. A Man before marriage is - Superman. After Marriage -
Gentleman. 5
Years Later - Watchman. 10 Years later - Apne Hi Jaal Mein
fasaa hua
Spiderman.
4. Life me hamesha Haste raho,muskrate raho, gaate raho, gungunate
raho...
taki tumhe dekh kar hi log samaj jaye k tum... " UNMARRIED"
ho.
5. Wife- agar main kho gayi to tum kya karoge?
Husband - main TV aur newspaper mein Ad dunga ki jaha kahin bhi
ho.....
KHUSH RAHO
6. Why love marriage is better dan Arranged???? B'coz a "KNOWN
DEVIL"
is better dan an "UNKNOWN GHOST".
7. Wife: main tumhari yaad mein 2O din mein hi aadhi ho gayi hoon,
mujhe
lene kab aa rahe ho?
HUSBAND: 2O din aur ruk jaao.
8. A man gave an add in Matrimonial column
"PATNI CHAHIYE"
He got 1000 replies all saying:-
"Meri Le Ja...!"
''Meri Le Ja...!''
9. Husband to Hotel Manager: "Jaldi chalo! meri biwi khidki se kud
kar jaan
dena chahti hai"
Manager: "What can I do?
Husband"Kamine, khidki nahi khul rahi hai."
10. Telling a lie is a
fault for a little boy,
an art for a lover,
an accomplishment for a bachelor and
a Matter of Survival for a married man.
Jun 15, 2010
LOVE LETTER FROM CLASS 1 STUDENT TO KG A STUDENT
To,
Tinny
class kg A
Tinny
class kg A
Dear Tinny,
I luv u. My dream i c U. Everywhere u. U no,i live no.I come red shirt 2mrw.U luv i,u cum red frock.I w8 down mango tree.U no cum,i jump train.sure cum.
urs 4evr,
monty.
Class 1B..
now Tinny replies..
Darlin,ur letter mummy c.Papa beat me,beat me so many beat me.I cry.I cry.So no cum 2 mango tree.No jump train.I luv u. C another day.I no red frock.Only green:-(
U Luv
Jun 13, 2010
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
Follow this blog...